Ese urukundo rushobora kuvuka rutunguranye? Akenshi, inyungu imwe musangiye ishobora gutuma abantu bataziranye bagirana ikiganiro. Icyo kiganiro gishobora kubyara amarangamutima, maze ayo marangamutima akabyara urukundo.
Ariko ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko nubwo urukundo rushobora gutangira rudasobanutse, umuntu agira uruhare runini mu guhitamo kuruteza imbere cyangwa kururinda.
Impamvu dukunda abantu bamwe
Nk’uko ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na kaminuza ya Boston University bubigaragaza, abantu bakunda kwiyegereza abo basa. Ibi byitwa interpersonal attraction, aho umuntu yumva akururwa n’undi basa mu bitekerezo, mu byo bakunda no mu mibereho rusange. Akenshi twibwira ko undi muntu ashobora kubona isi nk’uko natwe tuyibona, bigatuma twumva tumwiyumvamo byoroshye.
Inshuti zifitanye umubano wihariye (Friends With Benefits)
Mu 2023, umushakashatsi mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina Justin J. Lehmiller yakoze ubushakashatsi ku bantu bafitanye umubano uzwi nka Friends With Benefits (inshuti zisangira imibonano mpuzabitsina nta masezerano y’urukundo).
Mu bantu 192 babajijwe mu bihe bibiri bitandukanye mu gihe cy’umwaka umwe: 15% gusa ni bo bageze ku mubano w’urukundo urambye, 26% bakomeje kuba FWB, 28% basigara ari inshuti zisanzwe, 31% ntibongera kugirana umubano na gato.
Ibi byerekana ko abantu bake cyane ari bo bava muri FWB bakajya mu rukundo rukomeye. Impamvu y’intsinzi kuri abo 15% ni itumanaho: baganiriye ku byo bifuza n’aho umubano wabo werekeza mbere yo gutangira imibonano mpuzabitsina. Abiringiye ko urukundo ruzizana ubwarwo, bo ntibyabashobokeye.
Ese dushobora guhitamo kudakunda?
Birashoboka kwirinda gukunda umuntu, cyane cyane wirinda ibihe byatuma amarangamutima akura. Ariko iyo amarangamutima amaze kuvuka, kuyirengagiza biba bigoye.
Akenshi abantu bavuga ngo “sinabishakaga, narabikundaga gusa” mu gusobanura umubano wananiranye, ariko mu by’ukuri, ibyemezo byacu ni byo bigira uruhare runini.
Nubwo tutagenzura uko dukururwa n’undi muntu, dushobora: kumenya kare amarangamutima atangiye kuvuka, kwirinda ibikorwa byatuma akura, guhitamo kudatera indi ntambwe irenze urugero.
Igihe (Timing) ni ingenzi
Igihe umuntu arimo kugira uruhare rukomeye mu rukundo. Hari ubwo wifuza umubano, ariko undi muntu atariteguye. Ibihe bigoye mu buzima bishobora gutuma umuntu aba mu bworoherane bw’amarangamutima, bigatuma afunguka byihuse ku bandi.
Niba uri mu bihe bikomeye, gufata umwanya wo kwisuzuma no kuba inyangamugayo ku byo wifuza ni ingenzi cyane.
Abantu bagira imyumvire itandukanye ku mibanire bitewe n’icyitwa sociosexual orientation:
Abafite imyumvire igabanyije (restricted) bashaka umubano urambye, ushingiye ku rukundo n’ubwitange.
Abafite imyumvire yagutse (unrestricted) bakunda umubano w’igihe gito kandi batagombye kwiyemeza cyane.
Kumenya aho uhagaze muri iyi myumvire bigufasha mu gukundana. Ibi kandi byerekana akamaro ko kuganira ku ntego n’ibyo buri wese ategereje. Itumanaho rifungura amarembo y’umubano uhamye, yaba ari uw’igihe kirekire cyangwa uw’igihe gito.
Nubwo tutahitamo uwo dukururwa na we, duhitamo uko twitwara kuri ayo marangamutima. Urukundo ntirupfa kubaho rudasabye uruhare rwacu: guhitamo, kuganira no kuba inyangamugayo ni byo bituma amarangamutima ahinduka urukundo rufite icyerekezo.
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